Wetting after potty training. Should we go back to diapers, timeout, ignore it? What should I do?

Question

My daughter has been potty trained for a year or so but will go in her pants while playing or when im busy and am not playing with her. I give her plenty of play time with me so im not sure it is an attention seeking or regression behavior. When I ask her she will tell me she does not have to go, i explain that it is her body and I believe her, then find she has an accident a few minutes later. She never poops in her pants only pees, she will go to the bathroom all by herself when she has to poop and not even tell me shes going. When she pees she always tells me or ask me to go with her. I always praise her for using the bathroom. It is just frustrating to find on an everyday basis that she has wetted herself without mentioning she has to go or going by herself or even telling me she does not have to go. When i mention going back to diapers she does not like the idea. I explain that if daddy peed in his pants that he would have to wear diapers and that if she pees in hers she will also. I am not sure what to do. Should i go back to diapers, if so for how long, should i have her wear diapers until she does pee on the potty. Should i ignore it? should i use time out (that is what im doing now mainly so she does not see my frustration)?Your imput is appreciated.

Answer 1

Please do not use punishments or time outs while potty training. She's not trying to piss you off (pun intended) and, therefore, shouldn't be punished for when she has an accident. Praise is all that should ever be used. If you turn potty training into something she should fear or get anxious about, you're going to make it that much harder for the both of you.



All it sounds like is she isn't that well potty trained; she's doing a decent job, but she's not fully there. No biggie. Put her in pull ups if that will lessen the accidents (and lower your frustration). For whatever reason, it seems to be taker her longer to gain bladder control but she'll get there.



ETA: So, just some thoughts:



I don't know how old she is or how long she's been potty training, but since she seems to be pooping on her own with no problem (which is odd - it's usually the 'pooping' parents have the heartache over), does she NEED to tell you when she has to go pee-pee? Or can she just go?



Maybe you can try switching the reponsibility from 'Tell me when you have to pee' to 'Tell me when you've gone pee-pee in the potty'. That might, hopefully, gear her mind to thinking more about her bodily functions rather than trying to remember to tell you she has to pee (because at that point, it may be too late).



We used pull-ups on our son (who's now 4) when he was potty training. They're not diapers, but more like "super absorbant" undies they can pull off and on themselves. Other kids respond to "getting" to wear big girl/boy undies. Kids are different - you may have to try a couple of things to find what works for them.



And again, she just may need more time to get the pee-pee thing under control.

Answer 2

wet diapers will not help her. You need to suck it up and deal with the mess of wet undies, but only if she's really ready to learn. Consider cloth training pants, which are like quadruple layered underwear. Some have an extra layer of padding in the crotch to help soak up leaks. You can wear a plastic diaper cover over the whole thing. Some training pants even have a built in plastic outer layer. Relax about the potty training thing; your daughter will pick up on your tension about it and become very tense about it as well instead of treating it like a natural occurance. I worked myself into tears on more than one occasion when pottty training my first daughter and really tried to lighten up for the next. Punishment is definitely not the answer, ever. You've got to be super upbeat about it. Will she use the potty at all? I found that it helped to do very frequent diaper checks/changes when really starting the pt process hard so I could get an idea when my daughter peed. No sense in sitting on the potty if she just went in the diaper, but if you change it right away when you notice it's even a smidge wet then you can tell if it's been awhile since she peed and then it's worth trying to have some potty time. It sounds like your dd is ready to learn; having a preference for dry pants is the first and most important sign of readiness. Good luck.

Answer 3

When you ask her if she needs to go and she says no, do you bring up the diaper then? Like saying something like, "Are you *sure* you don't need to go potty? Because if you're not sure and we have an accident, we may have to go back to diapers for a while. Remember what happened at the park when you said you were sure you didn't need to go potty, and then you wet your pants in front of your friends?"



The point isn't to threaten, it's simply to remind her of an unpleasant (and embarrassing) experience, so that you encourage her to think about it and decide to go "just in case." Also, you know your daughter and her patterns. If she tends to need the potty every 4 hours or so and it's been 3 or 4 hours, then you can also ask her to "try" going potty. Hey, we adults don't always realize how bad we needed to go until we visit the restroom! And I'm sure you've visited the restroom before a flight or a movie just to make sure you won't have to get up in the middle of it. Since you do it, you can use yourself as an example to encourage your daughter to go potty even if she doesn't recognize an immediate need.

Answer 4

How old is she? I agree with whoever said don't go back to diapers because if shes been trained for a year already then this is just regression which is normal. Go back to taking her to the potty every hour or two and she should get back on track shortly.



Pull-ups are just expensive diapers so no pull ups either.



Maybe instead of asking her if she needs to go, take her when you go because when your out shopping or whatever you can't leave her alone while you use the toilet, right? and while you're there, tell her its her turn and sit her on it.

Answer 5

Don't punish her. But, since she has been trained for a year already, you should express your disappointment as she knows where to tinkle. And feel free to let her stay in wet knickers for a few minutes, and absolutely do not help her change or clean up. She needs to feel the full effects of how much of a bother it is to change, put wet clothes in the wash, clean the floor, etc. That will help her realize how easy it is to just use the toilet. But don't punish - she's not doing it on purpose. She's probably just way too busy doing what she's doing.



Whatever you do, do NOT bring back the diapers. She's been trained for A YEAR already. This is no time to get lazy and throw in the towel.



By now, you should notice signs that she needs to go, and don't take no for an answer. Explain to her that the feeling won't go away until she uses the potty. My oldest girl did an Elvis thing where she rocked her one leg and even when I ask if she needs to use the potty, she'd stand there and say no, rocking her leg back and forth. I would explain that yes, she *does* need to pee and that feeling won't go away until she goes. It took a few months of this "potty dancing" for her to finally just go on her own without me prompting her, but that's just how busy kids get - they don't want to interrupt what they are doing. My baby girl is obvious - she grabs her crotch Madonna style *LOL*