Question:
My 3 year old is out of control?
Stephanie
2012-12-27 04:52:16 UTC
My son was a very good 2 year old. In fact I praised myself highly for the way his good behavior in public and at home. He is 3 now and I am 6 months pregnant with my daughter. All of a sudden my son has turned into a little monster. He will literally cross his arms, stomp his foot and tell me "No" when I tell him to go to bed. If he can't go to grandma's house (my boyfriend's mother, who lets my child get away with absolute murder) he throws huge temper tantrums. Actually, he will throw a temper tantrum for just about anything now and it's very rare if we have a tantrum-free hour during the day. At night he refuses to go to bed. He will go to his room, sit on his bed and ask me to read him a book. I do that, turn his light off and tell him good-night, he tells me good-night, then spends hours playing loudly no matter how many times I go in there to put him back to bed. It has gotten to the point where I leave him in his room and let him play until he wears himself out.

We have tried so many different things. We have spanked him, ignored him, mimicked his bad behavior, been firm and quite, been firm and loud, and none of these have made a dent in anything at all. I know my sweet little boy is still in there somewhere. I'm very emotional due to the hormones, my depression, and the loss of my mother this year, and when I'm crying in my room he will come in and whisper to me, "It's OK, Mommy. Don't cry," and cuddle up to me. Like I said, he asks me to read a book to him and he will be so happy and interactive when we have story time. He still says, "May I have chocolate milk please?" and "Thank you, Mommy." But I'm at a complete loss as far as the bad behavior goes. It's extending to going out in public now and I'm embarrassed when he does it.

Someone out there...please help me. This is almost too much for me. Thank you.
Six answers:
76jules79
2012-12-27 07:19:24 UTC
I had this happen to me. My son was a dream 2 year old and then became a terror at 3. I had my second son around his 3rd birthday, but he's already been difficult for a few months. I know your pain and frustration.

Firstly, don't feel bad about bad behaviour in public. We've all been there and when I see other peoples kids misbehaving in public the only thing I think is I'm glad today it's them and not me! I never feel embarrassed because all kids act up at some point.

With the bedtime thing, something we do is tell him that if he's quiet for 5 mins then I'll come up and check on him. It works a treat. Since he has no concept yet of time, I can leave it for 15mins and he's usually asleep by this time. If not I just congratulate him and repeat the process. It usually works first time though.

You also need to try to ignore bad behaviour and praise good. Easier said than done, but it's worth persevering with this one. Also try to play with him often and explain things calmly eye to eye when his behaviour is not acceptable. It will be hard since you are pregnant but explain this to him too. Tell him that Mommy is tired because of the baby and try to encourage him to help you with things and feel involved. 3 is a difficult age, but he will get better I'm sure. You're doing a great job, keep up the good work.
2012-12-27 05:23:17 UTC
I think that these temper tantrums that usually happen at around 2 years old must happen sometimes-being at two, when is most usual or later on. I guess it was the last case for you, and most likely because of all these traumatic events from your son's point of view: your mother's death, and new baby arriving in house and taking from him exclusive first position he had so far for 3 years. No matter how our little ones are old, they strongly experience coming of second baby in the house, and their jealousy expresses in various ways. You being hormonal and depressed surely adds another burden to it-although it is of course normal to experience mood swings in pregnancy, it is much problematic issue when you have a little one in the house who is watching this and wonders what is going on with his mom. I believe that he will be good, but maybe not so soon :( First he must accomodate to sibling, and I will not lie to you, that might take up to 6 months or even longer. My first born bit my lower belly while I was holding his younger brother, then 6-8 months old-trying to get my exclusive attention-and he has never ever been agressive before (or after that).

So, just hang in there! I am sure that he will soon be nice boy as before.
lambdin
2016-10-19 09:58:54 UTC
This ought to be solved in the present day! I even have kinfolk that have acted like this, and it truly is loopy! One is 13 and nevertheless sleeps in his mothers and fathers mattress, interior the middle. I constantly felt that a stable spanking on the ultimate time can help, yet you won't be in a position to try this because of mummy. I propose getting with all the persons who guard her (grandma and daycare workers lined) and installation a punishment. no be counted if it truly is timeouts or no toys, the punishment ought to be consistent. Everytime she does the samething this is incorrect, she needs to have a similar punishment. additionally, help her to work out that performing appropriate, is the perfect way! mothers and fathers in lots of situations forget the capacity of a grin, or an "i'm happy with the way which you permit Timmy play which contain your practice". Punishment whilst undesirable, and rewards whilst stable! stable success! additionally! in case you assert which you will do some thing whilst she acts out, DO IT! in case you do no longer she'll think of that she will get away with it EVERYTIME!
2012-12-27 11:34:50 UTC
Hi I have a few ideas i think might help you out.



First of all, I think you should talk to him about your mother's death. I think you need to make sure he is dealing with his emotions about it properly. I would recommend talking to him one-on-one, and gently asking him questions about how he feels about it, and try to really understand what's going on in his mind about it. Even though he's too young to really understand the concept of death, you should still make sure he isn't having any emotional issues with it that could really affect him in the future.



Second, I think you should try your best to include him with your pregnancy (if not already). Invite him to sit with you and feel your tummy for the baby's kicks, ask him to put his ear to your tummy to listen for his new baby brother or sister. (who knows what he will actually hear, but make it sound like it's a really special way to connect with the baby). Ask him to help when you go shopping for new things for the baby. Invite and encourage him to help with preparations for the new baby, such as getting the room ready. You could even make it his "special job" to make sure the new baby has a stuffed animal, toy, book, etc so he feels important, and will hopefully not feel jealous about the new baby.



As for his fits, personally, this is how I would deal with it: When he does something bad, for example if he hits you, give him ONE warning. Tell him in a firm (but not mean) voice "No hitting, or you're going on timeout". If he hits you again, bring him to timeout and tell him "you're on timeout for hitting after mommy told you no" & walk away. If he tries to leave timeout, silently put him back on timeout. Make sure you don't say anything to him, don't show him any anger, frustration, etc, just act serious and silent. Don't let him see you look at him while he's on timeout, make him believe you're ignoring him, and don't stay too too close to him. Once he stays in timeout for 3 minutes (one minute per year of age) go speak to him in a calm, gentle, but still serious voice. Make sure he tells you why he was in timeout, and make sure he apologizes. If he gives you attitude, that means he's not done yet, & tell him he has to be nice or he has to stay in timeout (still talking in a gentle, serious voice). Once he's done his timeout, and has apologized, give him a hug and/or kiss, and go together to start a new task that he will enjoy, such as playing a game, or reading a book.



Overall, PLEASE make sure you stay extremely consistent with him. Consistency is key to successful parenting because if you keep trying different discipline techniques with your child, he will just become confused and frustrated. If you stay consistent, he will know what to expect, and will understand what is going on. Hope this helps!
Linda R
2012-12-27 06:21:21 UTC
He is 'out of control' because you are doing exactly what he wants and NOT what you should be doing to get him to stop behaving this way. YOU are the boss - NOT him.

When he begins to misbehave....ask him to help you with a chore especially if you're preparing a meal....kids love this. The purpose of this is to 'change the subject' without him knowing it...plus, using a bit of reverse psychology on him.
Jaylon
2012-12-27 04:59:24 UTC
Discipline him but in a nice way. Try telling him about all the good kids out there. tell him about how good your nephew is to her mum. Try playing games with him. Have a little talk to your son and make sure he understands what you are trying to say. Tell him about how hard being a mum is and remind him how good he was when he was younger. Thats all i got to say hope it helps :)


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
Loading...