What can I do about 2 destructive boys? (2 and 3.5yrs) I have tried everything but it doesn't stop.?

Question

I understand the 2 yr old is just going through the terrible 2's but my 3.5 yr old is becoming out of control. Just tonight in the less than 5 minutes to use the bathroom, he used a fork to rip holes through our couch and began tearing them open with his hands.
I have tried time outs with no effect, positive reinforcement with negative concequences and even spankings. He always says after each desructive action that we shouldn't punish him since he wants to be a good boy or that we should give him options yet it never stops and it is getting worse.
This is not some abused child by any stretch. We go out almost everyday to do physical activity or indoors doing a craft or reading books or watching educational shows. We have a stable home with both parents so I'm totally lost.

Answer 1

I have a 4 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. Its called the terrible two's, because it lasts for 2 years.lol. Im joking, yet serious. Ive noticed it with both of my kids. to us, 2-4 seems like a very short time; but for the kid, that stretch of development is a long period of time. Im trying to figure out my toddler woes with my boy. It must be a huge developmental time for them; and i think its when they pull out every trick they have. I also sometimes think its a precursor for teenagers.hahaha Ya know, defiant, think they know everything, talk back.......eerily simular.



The only idea I can come up with would be to, ( and i gotta do this with my kids) overhaul a thing or two. You seem to provide extremely well for your kids and you love them so thats not the issue. Im a stressed out, working single Mom, and I am not so structured in my home. So, my plan is to make it a little ,kiddie boot camp. Dont get me wrong, no corporal punishment here. Just some very strict regimines, that we adhere to daily. Maybe restrict what your 3.5 year old has access to. Toys, neccesities. Im just picturing him using utensils to shred the hell outta your house. But my concern would be the child getting ahold of a knife or scissors. Im abit of a pushover. My kids know this and work like a fine tuned machine. I think we need to look at ourselves and make sure we ALWAYS follow through on what we say. Or they become empty threats, dont they? My friend, please dont take offence to my response. Im not implying I know anything about you really. You sound fantastic. Im kind of answering my own concerns as I type this.



Also ive thought of getting my kids into tai kwon do or gymnastics or something out of the house. I know you said, theyre not deprived of activity, but perhaps the oldest has more energy to burn.



My son screams at me. Alot. He has a speech delay and i think its frustrating for him. Either way, its escalated to a point where its a huge issue. Could something be causing frustration with your oldest? Its good to look at all possabilaties now. Before theyre 14 and destructive. Yikes! Keep searching for info. Im sure he'll outgrow it. Between 4 and 5 they do seem to calm down abit. Whew :)



Call "The Nanny" lol. Ok im kidding again. But that show has a no nonsense approach to changing ill behavior in kids. Taking away several toys and making him earn them back. Natural consequenses are difficult to come up with sometimes; ( like what are ya gonna do there, take the couch away? lol) but there is a consequence, right. Wow. Sorry I really jumped all around the place. Really hope I didnt offend. Good Luck fellow Mama. Merry Christmas too.

Answer 2

Continue to discipline him consistently, follow through with your warnings. What does he mean by options? Like you should tell him what he is allowed to do and what he can do instead? Try it and see if that works, I guess. "We don't rip holes in the couch with forks, because that's destructive. We use forks to eat with we sit on couches, and you could have chosen to look at a book or play with blocks instead, but because you chose to break the couch you're going to have to sit on time-out, and then help me fix the couch and do chores around the house until you have earned enough money to fix/replace the couch." Of course he wants to be a good boy. it's your job to help him along and see that he becomes one by enforcing consequences when he does do something bad. He may be a little young to write an essay about his behavior, but it's not to early to have him start thinking critically. Why did you poke holes in the couch? Why do you think Mommy is upset that you poked holes in the couch? Why was that wrong? What should you have done instead? Now what can we do to fix it? Just get him to think through his actions, and make sure he understands what he is being punished for.

Answer 3

Why are YOU allowing him to behave this way............YOU are the boss - NOT him. He's not strong willed and stubborn - he's just 'testing the waters' to see what YOU will allow him to get away with. What he really needs is a distraction. Have him help you with your chores...give him some simple chores to do; pull the covers up on his bed and keep his toys picked up. Have him help you prepare meals....kids love this stuff. The busier you keep him - the fewer melt downs he will have. Stop ALL day time naps...then he'll sleep better at night. Buy a sound machine that plays 'nature sounds'. The nature sounds are calm and soothing which will help him go to sleep and stay asleep. As for what he eats; only give him meats and water to drink. NO snacks in between meals. Once he realizes he will NOT get anything else to eat.....he will get hungry and eat. Once you get him eating meat...wait about a month and then SLOWLY add a spoon of veggies. A month later... a spoon of starches.

Answer 4

That's rough. Ripping hole's?BIG time out. No tv. Nothing but educational activities, food, sleep, and other regular things for a day at least.You should try taking him to counseling. Otherwise, this behavior could rub of on your 2 year old. Or, he could keep growing up and the older he gets, the worse his behavior may get. Continue what you're doing, but if it doesn't work, take him to counseling.

Answer 5

Wow! This sounds really bad.



First of all, your son should not be telling you anything after he does something destructive. Your son has two choices: choice 1 is to be good and choice 2 is to be bad. When he makes that second choice, he no longer gets to have any decision of what happens to him. He was bad, so now he is going to be punished. He is clearly manipulating the situation, because it is getting worse and he is starting to show his little brother that behavior like this is acceptable.



So, you need to stop this now. When your child disobeys you, whether it is not turning off the TV when you say so, or throwing a glass plate on the ground, he needs to be punished. I know that you said you tried time outs, but if you stick to them, they really work! Find a place in the room that doesn't have a lot of stuff around it and make that time out. No matter when or where he is bad, this is his time out corner.



Next time he disobeys you, he gets one warning. When he fails to comply, you tell him that he is going in time out. Put him in there for 5 minutes. I know that you have other things to do with your day besides chase around a 3 year old, but you put his little behind on that time out until he stays there for five minutes. He may get up 30 times and try to run away. You just need to keep picking him up and saying that it its time for "time out." Once he has sat through the alloted time, then he needs to discuss with you what happened. If he is trying to manipulate his way out of a punishment, then he obviously is able to understand the difference between right and wrong.



When you talk about it, ask him about what he did. Ask him why he did it. Tell him that it hurts you when he does these things. Tell him that you don't like it when he hurts your things. Make him apologize to you and then tell him you love him and let him play. He may break a rule 10 minutes later, and you have to do the same thing again. You might put him in time out 15 times in one day, but YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT! This is the only way that he is going to understand that you mean business. If you keep changing up with time outs and consequences, and positive reinforcement, then he will not know what he should really listen to. And obviously, these same rules need to apply to your two year old. He is old enough to understand!



Additionally, praise your child when he is doing the right thing. Tell him that you like the way he is playing nice with his brother. Tell him that you like how he is putting his toys away. Tell him that you like how he is eating his food with his fork. Praise what he is doing well.



But you have to stop giving him the control. He chooses to be bad, so he chooses to no longer have options. You have to be consistent with the punishments, with both children. It will work! They will learn the rules and they will follow them! I promise! It may take a week, it may take a month, but if you stick with it, it will work!