Does anyone else have the problem of a child that just WILL not settle in a big bed?

Question

My daughter is 23 months and although i have tried a few times to transition her into a big bed she just will not settle ( i tried for a week straight and we got maybe 2 hours sleep a night), not only does she get up and down all night but she would get up and play with her toys ( i tried removing most of them but she would play with a piece of fluff on the floor) and NOT sleep....im pretty sure 2 of the 7 nights we tried she just didnt sleep AT ALL......she takes a good half and hour 45 mins to settle in her cot/crib but she doesnt cry she just play and talks and laughs and then eventually falls asleep.......but in the bed she just constantly gets up, she will come out to us and then when she has had enough of being out back to bed she just gets up and plays, she has never just passed out when she is tired so will continue to play all night.....im at a loss i have so many people telling me im a lazy mum for not persisting with this but i felt as though the need for her to sleep out weighs the needs for her to be in a big bed......BTW she is tiny and has TONS of room still in her cot......

Answer 1

There's no magic age when you need to move her out of the crib (well, if she's 4 and still in a crib, that might be a bit extreme), so if you're not ready, then don't move her yet.



However, when you are ready, you're going to have to teach her how to stay in her bed. If you don't have one, I recommend borrowing a video monitor (it's also great to see what she's up to playing in her room when you're making dinner, etc.). We let my son play in his bed, but the moment he gets out of bed, we put him back in and say, "It's bedtime, you need to stay in your bed." The first time he gets a hug and a kiss (don't let her come out and play with you), but after a couple times, we don't even talk to him we just stick him back in bed. It took perhaps a week of exhausting 2-3 hours putting him down before we developed a new routine. Eventually, we wouldn't come in, we'd just sit in the hall with the baby monitor and hold the door handle when he got up and tried to come out. For the next three months, our routine was bath, stories, prayer, cuddle, bed, then he'd get up and try the handle once and turn around crawl back into bed and go to sleep. I think it became a point of security for him knowing that the door was closed and he was safe and could sleep. At 2.5, when we potty trained him, he was able to verbalize and we could tell him that he only got up if he needed to go to the bathroom.

Answer 2

Wow, this is really tough. Because it doesn't seem like she is not sleeping in the big bed because she still loves her crib, she is just a really active little girl!



Maybe she just needs to get used to the idea of going to bed in the big bed. For about a week I would get her super tired. Skip her naps, go to the park and run around, play games outside, invite friends over, etc. Get her exhausted. Put her in her big girl bed and tell her that this is where she is sleeping from now on. Hopefully, she will be so tired that she goes to bed. Maybe after you do this for a few nights, she will feel more comfortable sleeping in her bed.



If this doesn't work, I would just let her be in her room. As long as there is nothing dangerous in her room and she has no toys to play with, I would just close her door and make sure that she can't get out. She'll get bored and eventually fall asleep in her bed. Just set your alarm for about 3 am and have you and your husband switch off and check on her to make sure she is safe. She'll realize with nothing in her room and no play time with you and your husband that there is nothing to do but sleep in her room!



Good luck! This is a tough one!

Answer 3

I think that as long as she is happy in her crib, it's fine to leave her there. For me, I put the 'they have to be out of their crib' limit at when they're potty training or when they are no longer happy in there, which ever comes first. (Potty training because it seems strange to me to expect a toddler/preschooler to go potty during the day and then sleep somewhere that they can't get up and take themselves to the bathroom.)



If you really need her out of her crib or it just isn't working (which doesn't sound like the case, but still...) you could see what happens if you teach her how to lay down and fall asleep with out the crib constraint. Maybe lay down next to her for a few nights, then move to sitting on the foot of her bed, then to sitting by her bed, then to the middle of the room, then to the door... you get the idea. She has spent 2 years sleeping in a cage where she has no other option but to sleep. She hasn't ever known the freedom and responsibility of getting into bed on her own and staying there long enough to sleep, and getting out when she's actually ready, and it can be overwhelming.

Answer 4

I had the same problem with my daughter. I found out that the big bed was just not cozy enough for her and she felt lost in it. What I am trying to say is...infants are so used to be cuddled, snuggled and in a close space that when we try to get them into a regular bed...they are afraid. When she is ready to graduate to a larger bed then she will let you know. Do not force her, you will only scare her to the point that she will never feel comfortable in her new bed. As long as she is comfortable in her cot/crib, leave her be. When she grows out of the crib, then you have to praise her for growing into a big girl and help her to show you that she is a big girl by sleeping in her big bed. I hope you see what I am saying.....it worked with my daughter, and that was no easy task.

Answer 5

You're not a lazy mother...but you must an exhausted one!



Few questions...you probably thought of them but here goes:



Did you make a big deal of the bed change? It's too late for that part now but if you did or stress it every night and stress she has to stay in it...she's at a GREAT age for doing the opposite or picking up on your worries. Have you considered just putting her in bed with the same relaxed routine you had with the crib. Even telling her..."you can play on the floor as long as you want..but you have to get in your bed later" and leaving it at that? (yeah...I know..yikes!)



How big is the "big bed"? Although our son took to a double bed (we are the lazy ones...we just had that around so we made that his bed). A bigger space with no barriers can be scary to a small child.



Have you asked her if she would like something changed in the room? At that age...change can be unsettling. Perhaps you could make a few other changes WITH her unrelated to sleeping.



Does she have a transitional object like a teddy bear, blanket etc...if not...have her pick one with you from the store and make it a big part of the experience.



Instead of fewer toys...maybe she just needs more toys with her on the bed. I mean quiet ones like a few books, dolls etc...It sounds like she was always an active night owl...perhaps she needs more alone, play time, even if she doesn't settle for a long time. But I would make one rule: NO leaving the room.



But would you be able to stand hearing her up and active for a long time? As in...ignore it unless you hear a problem?



Eventually, I think, she will accidentally fall asleep on the bed and like it but....most likely...she isn't ready for the big bed...can you put the mattresses only, on the floor. It might be less intimidating.



One thing we did...although it was for fun and a long time after our son took to the big bed (sorry...we got really lucky...first night)...was to set up a kid's tent on the bed itself and let him use a flashlight and light up toys to play with. That little "cocoon" might make her feel safer and cozy.



Lastly...if you haven't already...put the bed in a corner so there is only one side exposed. She may be afraid of falling.



Good luck!! Keep us updated.

Answer 6

My daughter was about 10 months old when we decided to put her in a toddler bed.At first she would not sleep in it but here is the trick we used....We had to put her bed next to our bed.Sometimes she would sleep in it for a little while then hop in bed with us when were sleeping.Maybe shes just a bit scared of sleeping in a big girl bed by herself? I know my daughter was because she was so used to being in bed with her father and I.But when I put her bed next to our she was fine and slept pretty good in it.Shes now 22 months and sleeps great in her bed now with no problems!



Good Luck!

Answer 7

My daughter started leaping out of her cot and getting somewhat distressed whilst she replaced into put in it at around 15 months, so i switched over the cot mattress right into a mattress. have you ever tried putting a mattress shelter on the area? in line with probability she feels a touch volatile and it could be unusual for her.