My 2 year old always prefers mom. What can we do about it?

Question

Our 2 year old always wants mom to hold her, read to her, put her to bed, etc. If I try to do it, she says "No, I don't want you!" and physically struggles against me. I'm not jealous of their attachment, I'd just like to participate more often, and mom would like a break!

Please don't just say, "spend more time with her"; if it were that easy we would have solved the problem already.

Answer 1

I would suggest being a part of certain things, along with your wife, but you sort of taking the lead. If it is bathtime, maybe Mom can be there holding the towel, but you wash her and play a bit. If she asks for Mom, say 'she's right there, she'll get you in a sec'



Just integrate yourself so she feels like you are not threatening her time with Mom, but she realizes you are just as fun. I would even suggest that you have one special thing that is just yours- for my husband (and our very much Mommy's boy until age 5) he danced with our son every night after bath before bed. Usually Willie Nelson (maybe that was to get me to leave the room ;) ) but that was theirs alone. It is temporary, kids do this, but the more demanding you are the more they pull away. The key is to stay very positive and just put yourself in a bit more and more even when she does not want you. Being there and even just talking to her while Mom is doing things with her will make her see you as more of an option. You are a great Dad, thanks for caring enough about your daughter, and your wife. Should be more men like you!! Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it's just a stage kids go through. There was a while when if my husband was home my daughter didn't want anything to do with me. My son went through the same thing. There have been other times when they didn't want him to look at them. It's good you're not jealous. Maybe sometime you could take her for a ride or something to give your wife a break. Kids are pretty easy to please, take her to the park or a fast food restaurant or maybe even the dollar store and let her pick out a toy. She may cry at first, but once you get on the road she'll calm down.

Answer 3

All the advise I can give you is take it slow show her in your own way that daddy loves her to even if its just a kiss on the cheek and I love you she will come through so just take it day by day and try different things. I have been through the same thing and you are right if spending more time with the child would solve it there wouldnt be no reason for concern. i wish you good luck my child is older but i am dealing with the same problem so you arent alone.

Answer 4

My son went through this phase too. We just started by having us BOTH do it, we would all sit together and read in bed at night, both would give him a bath...so on and so forth. Eventually it got to where if I was busy he would let Dad do it, and now he doesn't care at all who reads to him as long as we both come kiss him goodnight :) The other thing my husband did was start a new ritual with him, instead of blowing kisses from the door he "shoots" kisses...they kiss their hand and make a pitchoo (shooting) sound at each other. Mommy stays out of this one, it's just for the boys.

SO just be patient and try to stay involved despite her sometimes harsh disregards. I know it's hard and as a much in demand mommy of two young kids I know mom would probably like a break, just know that this too shall pass :)

Good luck to you!!

Answer 5

That same thing happened with our 2 year old boy. He always wanted me for everything. My husband just made himself more involved with the routines on evenings and weekends. He would get up during the night if our son had a bad dream, brush his teeth, read stories etc on a regular basis. As a mom, we have to let our husbands do these things without criticizing or helping. It is a common reaction to alot of toddlers because they are so used to their mom all day. One day she may only want you do do certain things and not her mom. It is very important that mom doesn't do everything and always. She does need a break.

Answer 6

My son does the same thing. He's 2 also. I know its because Mommy is always the primary caregiver, and Daddy's get left out. Mommy is just going to have to give you more time so that your daughter gets more attached and used to you. I let my husband give my son a treat every so often, and try to let Daddy take a more active roll when he isn't working. Hang in there and keep trying.

Answer 7

Kids this age go through the "i want mommy" or the "i want daddy" stages. If your wife is a stay at home mom that's a lot of the reason. I stay home with my kids and my husband tries to do things with them, but most of the time all they want is me. I know it's hard to hear that she doesn't want you. But keep up trying. Maybe you could try to do things with mommy. Like when your wife is reading a book to her, sit beside them. It may help her realize, "Daddy wants to be with me." I know you try. My husband told me that he feels really bad when the kids don't want anything to do with him, so that's we've done and it actually helped. Best of luck. Your daughter does love you, never forget that. And you have a right to feel kind of jealous. But look at it this way, one day she will only want you and not mom.

Answer 8

What is she like if Mum is not there at all. Perhaps if Mum left the house and went out for a while at bed time she would have no choice but to let you do it.

Or you could try doing things like putting her to bed and reading to her together. Start with Mum reading while you sit with them, after a while share the reading, then just you do it while Mum sits with you, then perhaps Mum could try being in the same room while you read but doing something different. The final step, letting you do it all with out her! Kind of like weening (one step at a time). Good luck, I think it can be quite normal for a child her age to be so attached to Mum, but I understand your plight!

Answer 9

One option is to have your wife go out, or you take the little one out for a quick stroll and mom will say, "I'm going out and daddy will put you to bed." I do this sometimes...Dad will go around the block and I will hide out in my room and when they return Daddy says that mommy went out. It's has worked for us.



I know it's hard and we have slowly done this...first dad and mom bathing, reading and putting to bed, then just daddy bathing then I come in and read and put to bed with dad until it was just daddy doing the bath, books and bed. Of course I had to go out or hide!!



Continue to be patient. Daddy time comes and then it will be that she'll tell mom, "I don't want you, I want daddy!"



Good luck!

Answer 10

hmm..my mom use to call that Mommy eye-diss (sp)....when I was younger apparently I didnt ever want my dad..only my mom...so when I was being like that...she would be with me to read or play or hold me or whatever ...but she would also include my dad...like we would play a game that three of us had to play...or when she would hold me to go to sleep or whatever...she would lay down on the bed and we would all take a nap....eventually I started getting just as attached to my dad as I was my mom...its pretty common..just talk to your wife or gf about how you feel and try doing things all together...not just one on one..ya know? Hope that helps

Answer 11

hi i had the same problem with my son, he never wanted daddy! one evening tell your wife to go out to a friends for a few hours, then your daughter will have to put up with you reading to her and bathing her! try to make it as fun and special as you can, keep this routine up with your wife going out once a week then twice do it on different nights. before your wife goes out both of you sit down and explain that "mummy is going out for a while and daddy will be taking care of you" before you know it she will want daddy all the time!



enjoy your time with your daughter!!

good luck!

Answer 12

Mom is the natural thing, your time will come. As long as your are trying to spend time with her then that is what counts. Mom also needs to tell your daughter that she needs to do things with dad.

Answer 13

be present in the bed time rituals and reading. When your toddler says no do it anyway. Who's the boss you or the child. Sometimes you have to work your way in.

Answer 14

start doing things with only your involvement, mom has to help by setting some rules too. she can be the one to say dad is going to help with your bedtime tonight and make herself totally unavailable.

Answer 15

have mom go out somewhere at bedtime so she has to be put to bed by you

Answer 16

honestly, its probably a comfort thing. she will come to you in time. maybe mommy is what she wants. my son is attached to me but lately he switched to daddy. give it time.