At what age would you let your child go public bathrooms alone? Does it vary, depending on gender?

Question

I have a 11 and 14 year old son. Depending on where we are, I may allow both of them to go in a public bathroom together, if its a restaurant or grocery store bathroom, but I will stand outside of the bathroom.

Places like airports, swimming pools, fast food places, If my 11 year old son need to go to the bathroom he will use the ladies with me just to be completely safe. If its my 14 year old son, I will stand outside the door.Both my sons have longer hair, they are both extremely small for their ages, it could take anyone to snap them away in a second. If there is a family change room at the pool, we use that because of sick pervs can be anywhere, and to make sure I get the chlorine off them/moisturizing etc.

What are your opinions, if you have children what are your bounderies what works for you?

Answer 1

They go on their own because they want to. They have from about 8, but I have always drummed it into them to be aware of anyone who takes any interest in them, and it is always when I go too, so I wait outside or they wait for me. I think 11 is quite old for you to consider such vigilance necessary, I am sure that the stranger danger stuff has been remembered. Maybe I would be more vigilant if it were really quiet, but places we go tend to be full of people - really hard for a perv to do much in those circumstances. The worst experiences I have had the pervs were right in front of me! I think that they thought I would not be suspicious because they were elderly and one of them was a wheelchair user! But I know that a paedophile can look like any man. That was when the kids were little though.

Always use the family change at the swimming pool.

Answer 2

I even have ladies that are 6 and eight and that i do no longer enable them to circulate on my own. yet when I had a boy i might say around 8 or 9, maximum places have family individuals bogs now, you may desire to apply that one and stand exterior the door, with the aid of fact no person else can get in those. I in no way concept approximately it for boys yet do think of it relatively is frightening, it purely takes a jiffy to break somebody. And a woman in the girls room does look somewhat extra secure with the aid of fact we use our own stalls it is not in the open. you may desire to tell him to apply the stall somewhat of the urinal that would desire to be somewhat extra secure. yet at 4 and 5 they might nevertheless circulate with me whether or no longer they cherished it or no longer. Its extra sensible to be risk-free than sorry.

Answer 3

Keep up the good work - you are doing the right thing.

Hint; next time, please check out the category before posting a question. You posted this one under 'Toddler and Preschooler'.

Answer 4

You are so right to be careful. Thank you for being vigilant. You will never regret it.

Answer 5

I think you should let them go alone if they're 13 and up but if you have more than 2 kids they should go together if they're the same sex. But I think your 14 year old can go by himself but he has to watch his little brother

Answer 6

My sons are 9 and 13. I usually send them in together while I wait outside. At times if the 13 year old is not with me I have sent the 9 year old in alone while I wait outside. If it were ever to seem to take very long I would have no problem busting right into the mens room to see what was taking so long but luckily...so far...I have never had to.

Answer 7

not sure what I will be doing w/ my son...14 seems a little old to have to use the ladies room but 11 (although not far behind) doesn't really especially if he is a small guy. My guy is big and if he is anything like his daddy will probably tower me by 10. As for now he is only 16 mo so he doesn't even use the potty so no need to do it alone ..right. As for my Daughter she is 5 and I still go in the stall w/ her, but probably not do long. However I will probably always walk to the bathroom w/ her, even if I have to use the "I need to go "excuse.

Answer 8

The 11 yo is too old to be using the female bathroom. them going together is a good idea. you waiting outside the mens room works to. It sounds like you are very protective of your boys and rightfully so. your doing the right thing.

Answer 9

Man....is this sad or what???? Seriously, my "baby" is 19 so we're good now but I was like you. Even when he got to be about 12, I would hang outside and "watch/peer" at any man that walked in while he was in there. It's so sad anymore!!!! People will say 'paranoid" but I say "better safe than sorry" -- so much crap can happen under our nose......this question made me sad. Basically because I didn't have to grow up this way.

Answer 10

They are both old enough to be using the correct bathroom with you standing NEAR the door but not right on top of it. Come on, 11 and in the womens? Thats embarrasing for HIM.

Answer 11

I am a 14 year old girl, the oldest of 3. I have a 12 year old brother and a 7 year old sister. I have been going to public bathrooms alone since I was about 9. In places such as restaurants, the barn I rode horses at, airports, and the grocery store. My brother does the same, and he is VERY small for is age and has long hair. We're very independent and it's not that difficult to go to the restroom and go back. If we don't know how to get to the bathrooms and back to the meeting spots, we'll go with an adult who knows or ask to stop at the bathroom. My mom or I will take my sister to the bathroom in public places, but in places familiar to her like the gymnastics school she goes to, she will go by herself. At concerts that I go to with a group of friends and sometimes with no adult supervision with us, my mom requests that I go with someone wherever I go in the venue, just to be safe. She knows that I could go off on my own, but it is up to me to be in charge of my own safety and I follow her wishes. I've gone to 2 big festival rock shows with thousands of people and I have never felt unsafe, because I am responsible for my own safety and I monitor my own limits and things I'm comfortable with. I go to school in a big city, and I avoid walking in the dark alone if I'm staying late because the neighborhood my school is in is safe, but I like to be careful.



My opinion on your policies for your sons is that you are being slightly overprotective. I know that the world today is a lot more dangerous than it used to be, like when my parents were young, but they still trust me and trust that I will be safe. It will probably become embarrassing for your sons (I'm surprised your 14 year old does not complain) to go to the restroom with their mother. I can understand, actually I find it much better when mothers bring their boys , up to about 6 or 7 into the bathrooms with them, but other than that it's slightly overzealous to bring your 11 year old in. Also, from an indtaking your sons everywhere with you can hinder the development of independence and self reliance in your sons. They need to develop their own intuition about situations (bad/good people, when to put your guard up) and not rely on you. It will be their job to protect themselves when they are older, and since you may not be with them in these situations, they will have to use their own devices. Not saying you should completely let them loose, but it might be wise to let them make their own decision about situations.



That is my opinion. I am not a parent, but this question caught my eye. I hope this helps you with your boundaries.

Answer 12

Hi Mom, I think it's great that you are very careful with your children in this day and times we live. But it's time to say no to them joining you in the ladies restroom. After say 8 or 9 they shouldn't join you in the women's bath. I think they are old enough to go in on there own with you on the outside of the bathroom. All bathrooms that are public have only 1 door so you will know that no one will run off with them. Teach them to yell as loud as they can if someone is bothering them, then in you go to save them. I'm a father of 2 boys and 2 girls (3 grandsons) and married to a wonderful mother of 3 and we both agree with the above guide lines. As far as the pool goes I would have them learn to do it together or just have them shower at home if you are in that environment to feel unsure. Good Luck as it's hard to do it all these days. :>)

Answer 13

well i think that you should let them be a little bit more free i know u are worried about them and 11 years old and you taking them in the girls bathroom is a little bad because you know there will be 10 and 11 year old girls in there and probbally by themselves have you asked your kids what they think about this i think the 14 year old should deffinitly be fine by himself and sometimes u just have to trust that they will know what to do if they ever are in a kind of situation where there being kidnapped (it happens very rarely)

Answer 14

Do what ever you feel comfortable about. I have been there and believe me you can never be to careful. My son was eleven and we used the mall bathroom in a very good Chicago neighborhood. My son was flashed and if I would not have been outside of the bathroom and wondering what was taking so long. I believe he would have been molested all the way. The man was arrested with my help. My son said he just froze he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

If you don't feel comfortable about letting them go alone then don't It is a judgment call. Been there and did that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 15

Depends on where. In a restaurant if I can see the restroom door from the table I let mine go by themselves but otherwise I stand where I can see the door and let them go on their own. Swimming pool would be hard for me to let go, isn't there two doors for the dressing rooms at swimming pools, one into the pool and one out? Lot could happen there so I agree with the extra caution. I always say better safe than sorry, specially with your most prized possessions.

Answer 16

You aren't protecting your 11 year old son by ever having him go into the public bathroom with you. He is old enough whereas his presence would.could make the other occupants uncomfortable, and where he and you are now the perverts. If he goes into a public bathroom by himself and you are standing outside the door, then nobody can snatch him away since they would have to get past you at the door to do so. If you are afraid of someone already inside the bathroom doing something, then have him quickly go in and check who, if anyone, is in there and report it loudly to you before he does his business. Anyone who might be in there will then know someone is aware of their presence and is looking out for your son, as will anyone entering after your son has gone in. This is more than enough of a deterrent. If he seems to be taking too long then you can always crack the door open and call out to him.



Edit: Drop dead, whoever gave me the thumbs down. You probably did because I said you and your son are perverts if you bring him with you in the bathroom with you, but it is true. Other people have rights and you exposing them to an 11 year old boy, and him to them, in the supposed privacy of a restroom is the type of invasion upon his person you are claiming to try to protect him from. You think that others are supposed to endure this behaviour from you because of your paranoia. Tell me, would you approve of a man taking his 11 year old daughter into the public bathroom with him? Or would you think it somewhat perverse for him to do that at her age? Get a reality check, woman.

Answer 17

when they are like 13 and 12

Answer 18

We live in the zip code of 48091 and we have a family bath room. I mean at family pool. Our city pool . pardon me.

Answer 19

11 is old enough to be going into a bathroom by himself, and in the CORRECT bathroom. That is too old to be having to "hold" mommy's hand and go into the women's restroom with you. Let him grow up and stop embarrassing him!

Answer 20

Not until they were old enough to defend or protect themselves. At least I would wait until they were 16 or so. I have had two friends who have had their children preyed upon by pedophiles when they were in the bathroom at department stores. You cannot be too careful, these days. I insist that we all go to the bathroom when we are out shopping. Or I go in and check the men's rooms for my sons, before they go in. And I wait outside, standing guard, and giving the once over to anyone who goes in and comes out of the bathroom when my sons are in the men's room.

Answer 21

Whoa! too old to go in with mom! Is the crime that bad there? Dont smother them, youre gonna make them gay! Sorry, but they grow up sometime

Answer 22

i would be deeply offended if i saw an 11yr old boy in a ladies washroom, most malls and public places have family washrooms. My son is extremely small for his age and he is also 11yrs old but i wouldn't dare take him into a ladies bathroom and at the age of 11 they are old enough to go pee without mom holding their hand.

If you took a look at my son you would swear he was only 7 thats how small my guy is but i don't shelter him from everything in this world as much as i would like to, children have to be taught how to survive when they become adults and if mom is always holding their hand when the take a leak then they are learning how to be dependant on someone other than themselves.

Answer 23

goodness gracious! i am a , and i started going to the womans bathroom by myself when with my dad when i was six. my little brother went in with my mom until he was seven. and as far as changing rooms go, i've always gone by myself. i've never been stolen. just teach them what to do if they feel uncomfortable with someone. i would let them go to the bathroom alone by now! but that's just my opinion.

Answer 24

well, the fourteen year old should be able to go to the bathroom on his own wherever. if he has a cell phone to call you if he needs to find you.

the eleven year old doesn't really need to go into the ladies room anymore. but you may want to stay outside the boys bathroom if you are in a big place. if it's a restaurant let him go by himself.

Answer 25

I take my 6 year old son into the ladies restroom . your right it is a dangerous world we live in. I don't know how I will handle it when he gets older. They need to make unisex bathrooms for this reason.

Answer 26

well im a kid and a girl so my mom just takes me and i ussually go w/ my sis but i think he's old enough just wait by the door until he comes out. i always go alone and he'll be fine just dont leave just stay by the bathroom door. i think hes old enough 2 go alone unless hes afraid or something then he could go with u i guess.

Answer 27

ok... well my mom let me go alone when i was like 8 or 9... but idk... as long as i tell her where i am going she is pretty fine with letting me go.. 11 year old you could still could stay there but the 14 year old needs to have some privacy.. i mean.. i would hate to have my mom standing outside the bathroom waiting on me.... he will be fine.. just make sure he tells you where he is going

Answer 28

I have a six year old. I let him go into the men's restroom by hisself, but I keep poximity to the door (no closer than 5 feet though...) This is for all public restrooms.

Answer 29

I let mines go alone when they were 1 and 2.

Answer 30

Not till there 10-12

Answer 31

For me, this depends on the situation. For my son (who is too young to go alone now), I would have him use a family restroom alone if we were at a mall or other place with a family restroom. If we were at a restaurant or some other busy place where he could ask for help if someone bothered him, I think at 10 (if I felt he was mature enough to handle it) I would let him go alone, but I'd watch the door like hawk. At a less busy place, I'd probably ask the manager to escort him in.

If I had a daughter, I think 8 or 9 is old enough to go into the women's room alone if it was absolutely necessary for her to go alone. Otherwise, I'd go, too. If I was out with a friend, I'd go when she went, so why would I go with my child.

At an airport, I wouldn't let my son go alone unless he could drive and I'd never let my daughter go alone. Usually, there are outdoor showers at the pools for chlorine.

Answer 32

When you let him in alone, I'll be waiting.