How do you teach a five year consequences when he has no fear?

Question

He runs away to the neighbors house. He tells me he always stops and looks both ways across the street. Fortunately it is not a busy street. He is also somewhat of a daredevil: climbing trees and jumping out, tries to jump his bike off dirt hills, tries to climb on the roof of the house. He has ADHD and ODD. I asked a question yesterday about him. I have management for the ADHD and try to be strict for the ODD. I know some of this behavior is just being a little boy, but I also know some of it is out of defiance. I want to teach him a lesson of the dangers of what he does. I have told him that when he runs away that he could be run over or even kidnapped and never see mommy again. He is the baby of 4. I work in law enforcement and have had my Lt pick him up for run away, which he thought was awesome, not scary. The Chief has also talked to him. Does anybody have any ideas of how to help me with this? I am persistant with discipline, rewarding good behavior, etc....

Answer 1

My little brother has ADHD and a form of autism. It's very, very difficult to teach them discipline. There are times where he does it just out of defiance. It's obvious. There are other times he does it because he just doesn't know better or can't help it. There are times when I can't handle him and have to take him home. There are other times that he's just good as can be.



The only thing I can offer that I have found is : CONSTANT STRUCTURE & DISCIPLINE.



It helps soooo much when he has a schedule to follow. If he has the exact same things to do every day, it's amazing how much better he behaves. He always has to be doing something as his mind runs a hundred miles an hour. But if he knows what he's supposed to do, he just goes thru the motions. The more I can keep him busy on a schedule, the better.



And you just have to know that 100% of your time will be dedicated to disciplining him. If I let him get away with anything "just once" - that's the end of it. The rest of the day is shot & I can give up hope of him listening. It's hard b/c you want to see him have fun and you feel sorry for him. But it's really better for him in the long run.



He may not have fear, but he has wants and the desire to be awarded and congratulated. If I tell him to go get a cup of juice and he does it correctly - I tell him that he did a great job, what a big help, thank you, thank you. If I tell him to wash his hands - I tell him how awesome it is that he did that with no problems and hung up the towel afterwards. He loves the praise and is then so willing and eager to please.



I would check into local support groups for ADHD. Talk to other parents and see what works for them.



Good luck.

Answer 2

I know EXACTLY what your going through! My nine year old brother must be the most defiant boy in the world, screaming, spitting, bitting, punching, leaving the house without anyone noticing! We had to call the police 3 times because he would leave the house and go to someone elses, and we would find him strolling along home hours later! He laughs at spankings, and he would never sit a time out! Time helps though so dont loose hope! He's gotten much better and is much more tolerable still defiant but that comes with the ODD, Im not sure if your into the medications or opposed but we tried zoloft and that worked temporairily and then didnt, so he's not on anything now. I know this sounds terrible but a big trick is comprimise, and as a parent thats not something your supposed to do but I think with "special" kids its one of the only things that works! " I wanna go to Jimmys RIGHT NOW" we have to do homework now, but you can go to jimmys straight after if you finish...stuff like that....The best of luck to you!

Answer 3

Wow- that's a tough one. Maybe it's time to call Nanny 911?



It sounds like he is trying to be independent. Try raising the locks on your doors, so he cannot reach them, and put a fence around your yard with a gate. Or, maybe try only extreme supervised play outside, where everywhere he goes, you stand really close to him, so if he tries to take off, you will be right there to grab him. Because he is trying out the whole independent thing, he will get really annoyed that you are crowding his space, and after you do it for a couple of days (or even weeks) and explain to him why you are doing it, then maybe he will start following the rules so he can once again play without you crowding him.

I would also talk to his doctor about his changing the medication that is supposed to control the ADHD- children with ADHD have impulsive behavior as a symptom, acting without regard for consequences.

Answer 4

i can only imagine what a handful he is but I couldn't help but smile at your description of him and laughed when he thought it was awesome to get picked up by the LT. He sounds like he will grow up to be something special with care and guidance that I'm sure you'll give him.



Have you tried punishing him? Telling him next time he does this he is unable to leave the house for a day or more. and then explain to him that in addition to the consquences of doing defiant and dangerous things there are also the consquences of disobeying you.

Answer 5

Jamie, Have you tried modifying your son's diet for the Adhd and ODD? Have you removed sugar and caffeine from his diet? What about gluten? Did you read Jenny McCarthy's book? She had good results when she removed a lot of the toxins from her son's eating routine. It's VERY difficult detoxifying one's body but it can be very beneficial. Shopping can be tricky etc. but you can do it!

When your son runs away, have your neighbor return him and put him on the "naughty mat". Continue the same punishment for all bad behavior. It works on Super Nanny! Good luck.

Answer 6

my neighbor went through the same thing with her little boy when he turned 5. we set up behaviour charts around the house. so that when he broke the rules he was displined things were taken away from him that he loved liked his bike and outside toys but when he listened to the rules he was rewarded, and he always picked date night with mom for a reward :D. We also ended up putting a lock on the inside of the door of the house, as well as a lock on the outside of his bedroom door so he could nto get out suring the night. and he hated that and slwoly learned.

Good luck i know it can be frusterating

Answer 7

Forget about the discussions of kidnapping and death, and just supervise when he's outside. Make sure he knows the safety rules, and then if he starts doing something unsafe, immediately take him in the house for the rest of the day.



It's hard for any 5-year-old to understand things like death or kidnapping. It's easy for them to understand that they don't get to play outside if they go beyond their boundaries.



And consider putting up a fence to block off the street.

Answer 8

my son is 3 and he is a daredevil also he scares me to dealth. I woke up one morning and found him and my two dogs on the front porch just sitting there my son had undid both dead bolts to the front door by climbing on a chair. So i had to put a chain loocl on the very top at the door. I guess boys just don't understand fear.

Answer 9

he needs to be punished for not listening, (not beats, though it may help with a few kids) something like being put in a timeout spot for a bit, or taking away a toy or something, something to get his attention. This may seem cruel but it is better than him getting hit by a car or truck, or kidnapped or something worse.

Answer 10

try and be as patient as possible. you are well aware of whats going on with him so that is a definite start. give him the love and attention he needs but teach him no is no by not giving in to any punishment you give him when he does wrong

Answer 11

Lock him under the stairs.



He will soon learn right from wrong.



Worked for Harry Potter, and he turned out OK didn't he?

Answer 12

let him do what he wants, and see the fear for himself. Or set him up, and you get someone to scare him on the consequences, then he'll learn.

Answer 13

Spank him, hard, because what he is doing is dangerous to himself.

Answer 14

stab him in the eye