3 year old language issues?

Question

We have a 38 month old girl. She is very defiant and we have been trying to at least make her a bit polite. Now when she asks for a treat or to watch a movie instead of her saying "I NEED a cookie" we have tried to teach her to say "may I please have a cookie" or "please may I have a cookie" when she wants to watch a movie instead of "watch Mary Poppins" we have tried "please may I watch Mary Poppins". This is our first child so maybe we are expecting too much from her. However, never once has she repeated this correctly. We will give her half the sentence in halves to repeat about 3 or 4 times then the whole sentence and it goes back to two to three word sentences. Needless to say we are very worried that she is not developing at the rate she should. She still speaks in very short sentences.
At any time if you ask her what she did that day you get two answers one is "Dillon bite my arm" which since I explained was a long time ago has become "Dillon arm time ago" or "worked on Daddy's big big big big big big big truck". It is making me concerned about why she still says these things. I understand getting bit may have been traumatic but the car fixing incident happened a long while ago I just don't want to explain that to get another answer like how Dillon bit her.

To help understand the child a bit more I will explain a little bit more. She is very defiant and usually has to be told over 10 times to follow any simple easy directions such as "come here", "stop", "NO", etc. Nothing is overly complicated, I will admit we tried spankings before (we are new at this like I said and it was what we both remembered), since we have heard it can make children more prone to violence we have tried time outs. They don't seem to bother the child. We cannot explain or talk to her because she has figured out the words that help her get out of trouble. Somehow decided that at under 2 years old it would be smart to logic with her. So if she is in trouble now she just screams "GOOD GIRL" "GOOD GIRL". So obviously there is really no way to even tell her she is wrong. I tried changing the amount of time she spends in time out but I am sure she could do it all day long and not seem to care. Also, when she does things to get in trouble she cannot figure out the right answer, such as "Will you bit me again" she knows it is why she is in trouble and will still shake her head and tell me yes.
At this point I am afraid that there is a learning problem but any Dr we bring her to does not seem to listen to our concerns and just uses the "it's normal" response. Compared to other three year old children she plays with she is very behind in logic, puzzle skills, problem solving, conversation abilities, etc. Any help would be appreciated.

Answer 1

"She is very defiant and usually has to be told over 10 times to follow any simple easy directions such as "come here", "stop", "NO", etc. "





Do you guys use please and thank you when you speak to her? She'll learn it faster if that's what she hears all the time.

Answer 2

Toddlers do tend to go through a defiant phase - people call it the "terrible twos" but that's not a great name as the child is not always two years old. It happens because they've just started to figure out that they're not part of you. They're realising they're independent people and trying to see how far they can push that independence. So I wouldn't worry about that aspect of your question. It can be annoying when they're uncooperative, but in the grand scheme of things, it's a necessary part of growing up.



And as far as Dillon biting her arm goes, that's probably not too much to worry about. When I ask my toddler what she's done today, she'll often reel off a whole list of things she's either remembered from the past, or made up altogether. Timescales and the difference between reality and imagination are hard concepts to grasp at that age. Children also like routines, so when you ask "what have you done today?" she may take "Dillon arm time ago" to be a rote response, much in the same way "you're welcome" is your rote response to "thank you".



With regard to how far she is behind her peers at language, puzzles, etc, this might be something to be concerned about, but there's a natural variation in these things. Some people learn slowly at first and then catch up; some do the opposite. Only if she seems very behind her peers should you worry. And you mention you're comparing her to "other three year old children" - remember that she's only 38 months, and that "other three year old children" category could include children who are nearly ten months older than her. Ten months is a lot of time at that age - more than a quarter of her life time. Two-and-a-half year-olds and two-and-three-quarter year-olds are actually closer to her age than some of these three year-olds will be; how do her abilities compare with them?

Answer 3

You should contact your local school district and find out if they do testing for their preschool programs. A doctor only sees her for a few minutes, but if you take her in to the school, they will do some testing with her and can tell if her language and other development is delayed.

My son had some speech delays, and started in a preschool program when he was 3-1/2. He also has some physical delays that we didn't really realize, because he is our first and we didn't have anything to compare to.

Every school district has these programs, and if you daughter really needs the help, it will be provided free of charge.

Answer 4

K, to begin with..Hot sauce and cleaning soap?!!? Don't you feel that is slightly...DRAMATIC?!?! I NEVER resorted to disciplinary movements like the ones!! To me that is abuse on account that sizzling sauce will burn an adults mouth well sufficient, feel approximately what it does to a youngster! Idiot! I deliver my children trade phrases, oh my goodness, darn it, stinkin factor, what the heck, holy cow. I have no idea. it is labored for me for my 7 & eight yr olds. three yr olds have no idea what the change among 'youngster phrases' and 'grown up phrases' are. They're a lot too younger to appreciate detailed matters. Persistence is the important thing. They're going to listen to 'dangerous' phrases all over the place, you are not able to support that, allow them to recognise there is different phrases that can be utilized.

Answer 5

Hmmm...she sounds a lot like my friends daughter who turned out to be autistic. Not saying your daughter is too but it would be something to look into?

Make those doctors listen to you, you know your daughter better than anyone so if they try to brush you off with another "it's normal" be persistent...say something like "no dr. _____, I really don't think it is normal and I would really appreciate a more thorough evaluation". Don't let them brush you off!! This is YOUR daughter and you have every right to know what is going on with her. Good luck!