I need help with my sons attitude..?

Question

I am a single divorced mother of one (son-4yrs) and my son goes to his fathers every weekend.. We have been apart for 2yrs now and up until about 6months ago my son has been quite well behaved..
I understand that we both have different parenting ways, but I find that every monday when I pick him up from a weekend with his father his attitude is really foul.. He back answers and chucks tantrums over every little thing.. (literally everything ie. if i dont have any bananas left :/ )
I have quite a strict parenting technique and I don't allow any rotten behaviour under my roof.. I deliberately dont give him sugary treats or junk food because it makes him instantly naughty and impossible.. (luckily he's not interested in them much anyway)
I feel like every week I have to re-teach him how to behave and be the beautiful mannered child he really is.. But by the time he goes back to normal, he goes back to his fathers and it starts all over again..
His father and I rarely speak unless it's absolutely necessary and I have tried countless times to bring up this issue with him, but he claims my son is "perfect" with him and has no troubles..
Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I'm forever telling my son off for his "brattish" behaviour and bad attitude..
I am not very well off financially so its hard for me to give him all the things his father gives him every wknd.. which seems to be having a huge effect on how he is with me..

Is there anyone else who has been through the same thing who can give me some pointers on how to better this situation with my son?

Answer 1

As a child of divorced parents I can only say keep doing what you are doing. Consistency was key as my Dad raised 4 of us (ages 2-8 when parents divorced). We visited mom every second week and our behaviour would be out of the "norm" as well. Thanks to Dad's persistence and consistency, as well an intolerance for bratty behaviour, (we would get a spank for actions we knew were disobedient) we had maybe one episode of tantrum upon our return, and after that spank, good as gold the rest of the week! Dad rarely tried to reason with us at that young an age, because there were some things we couldn't understand. Not to mention that as parent, you're boss and what you say, "goes", regardless of the level of understanding. As we got older we actually became aware on our own, that Dad was the one who gave us the most..in the form of respect for authority, boundaries set out of love and concern for our well being, and tools to get along later in life. At mom's we got spoiled and treats because she could afford that as she didn't have to support us at all the rest of the time. Your son will see that one day too. Again keep doing what you are doing, Better to give him a whack on the bottom Monday and enjoy the rest of the week together than have him "back to normal" and only enjoy Thursday or Friday...

Answer 2

Have you tried talking to your child?Children do not benefit from a strict and rigid life there is no need to be this way with him it is backfiring and instead of trying to find out what is wrong you simply label him"brattish."

Well,I feel for the little guy because I doubt he's upset about the bananas but he is upset and you don't seem to have any tolerance for him expressing himself.Offer empathy,comfort talk to him with respect.Find out what is upsetting him.Be a parent and be there for him and be someone he can turn to,someone with realistic ideas of how a four year old is.They have to let go sometime no four year old can go around being perfect all the time, sometimes they have a rough time and just need to be loved.

Don't forever tell him off as you can see you are going around in circles.If you talk calmly and ask him how he is and show him love consistently you may be surprised with the better results.

Answer 3

I am a nursery nurse and the thing that I recommend is for you to try to ignore as much of the bad behaviour as you can and instead overdo your praise when your son does something that is good and maybe even try the time out technique (warning-give him an explanation as to why he is being put there- on step for 4 minutes- he says sorry- then hugs and kisses (if he gets off the spot you have put him then put him straight back with saying anything) then afterwards carry on as if it didnt happen - all forgiven and forgotten. I think he may be playing you and your husband off against one another ....... dont give your son the response he is looking for for his behaviour,try to divert his attention onto something else ... something he is interested in. I really hope this advice helps you xx

Answer 4

No, it's not you at all. I have a licensed daycare and the same exact thing happens here every Monday morning. I feel like a trainer at Sea World because I'm constantly retraining the kids how we need to behave after having the weekend with their parents. It's exhausting. You just need to be firm and stick to your guns.

Answer 5

Im particular youre doing the terrific with the certainty you have and its magnificent that youre in seek of help. As a young person mom Im particular you have problems. Is your son oftentimes being watched by way of human beings? possibly communicate with them approximately your concerns, see in case you could talk a plan of self-discipline thats consistant so your son doesnt grow to be puzzled. and that i accept as true with the above answer, hearth w/ hearth. situations outs first, yet now and lower back with little ones so youthful they dont understnad how biting or scratching hurts. and additionally be sure to objective and clarify why hes being disciplined. Are you having hardship in public places? be sure to no longer enable him to misbehave in public via fact its inconsistant. If he acts up interior the save, take him to the bathing room or motor vehicle for a visit or how ever you self-discipline. he will ultimately learn no be counted if homestead, with a sitter or in public if i misbehave i'm getting punished. Consistency is the main. And keep in mind he's two, and each so often little ones act out out of bordom or for interest. whilst your sons behaving be sure to declare "stable activity" or "i like once you..." it is going to coach him to initiate working in direction of constructive reinforcement. possibly sooner or later if hes being very stable take him sonmewhere or get him a small toy. And be sure to grant him a lot of constructive interest, enable that is extra advantageous than the neg interest.