Is terrible 2's supposed to be like this....?

Question

Im a single, divorced woman has 2 1/2 boy...He goes to daycare everyday and goes to his dad's every other weekend...I work a 40 hour week...He has just started showing aggression...He hits me, bites, and yells at me...He does it at daycare too...I tried doing timeouts not working so well and I know some people don't believe in spanking but I have done that to. I tell his behavior is unexceptalble. I also take away his cars and no movies....I struggle with am I doing the right thing and what has caused his change lately...

Answer 1

the reason is probably that you don't pay enough attention to him, or haven't lately. This isn't probably what you want to hear. This happened not to long ago with my three-year-old son, Christian. I suggest you spend more time with him, first of all, then you should try talking to him about how hitting, biting, and screaming are no-nos. while you do this, let him eat his favorite snack. :)

Answer 2

Spanking doesn't work any better than other methods (otherwise you'd have a perfect child after a few hits, right ?). We found showering the person that was hit or bitten with sympathy and attention, and ignoring the child that did the deed and putting them in their "quiet" place, to be the most effective. It's all about attention, so give the attention to the victim. It's a little hard when it's just you, though. Try not to make it a battle of wills , try not to get angry (hah, it's not like I could stop myself !). Consistency and reinforcement. Tell him what will happen if he does it, then follow through every single time (as much as you can).

Answer 3

Have you been separated long from your partner? if not then it could be a reaction to that, my son would often come home from school and be in a bad mood and become destructive, this was because he was tired but he had been well behaved at school. Have you spoken to the daycare provider, perhaps they will have an idea of what to do and may also do an observation on your child to see what it is that sets him of.



Something is obviously bothering him but he is unable to tell you what it is. There are other ways of dealing with his behaviour, you could try ignoring most of it as long as it isn't harming you, himself or anyone else and giving him attention when he does something good, it's called positive reinforcement.



Then there is a reward system, when he does something good add a sticker to a chart, he has to collect a number of stickers to gain a treat such as a new toy, make the chart something he likes like make a little space man walking to a rocket, you can either move the space man or put stars on the path leading to the rocket, I would suggest moving the spaceman as it will save you money in the long run and makes the chart reusable.



The time out will work given time but you can't just rely on that, remember to always be calm and to get down to his level when talking to him and to use words he will understand, like I don't like it when you hit mommy it hurts and it isn't nice, you will perhaps have to give up hitting him as this will confuse him as he will be being told not to hit you by you but it is ok to get hit by you when you do smack him. Get dad to join in with whatever you decide as this will help in the long run.

Answer 4

Counselling??!!You're having a laugh!He doesn't need counselling, I think it's probably the lack of positive attention.Let me give you an example.If you give a child lots of attention for all the bad stuff he/she does, then your child behaves badly just to get attention.

Bad behavior=more attention from mum=more bad behaviour



What you need to realise is that he is trying to get attention through biting/tantrums etc and he know's that you will give him the attention so he does it more. He knows he'll get a reaction.And spanking should be the LAST resort, when all else has failed, as it tends to wind kids up and give's them the "bad attention" that they wanted in the first place. I am in favour of giving kids a smack by the way, but children at this age have limited ways of showing you what they want and need.

You need to sit down more with your son, interact with him more. Try painting, drawing pictures, giving him praise when he has done something good/drawn something good etc. Get your ex to play football with him and maybe you, dad and son go fellwalking or do something family orientated once in a while.

When he has a tantrum he is looking for attention, someone to watch his Oscar winning performance, cause kids do make the best actors.

1) Get your son away from any audience he may have, including yourself, and take him somewhere safe away from other people.

2) Ignore as much as you can

3) Remember the more you take notice of bad behaviour, and don't take notice of good behaviour, the more he will have tantrums to get your attention.

4)If you use time-out, whatever you do DON'T TALK TO HIM!Time out is a form of punishment, if you argue with him/talk to him, you're just defeating the object of it, and he is getting the attention. If he walks off time out, just pick him up or take him back to the time out spot and leave him. Sometimes this may take 20 or 30 times. Also when he has finished time out, explain as calmly as you can hwy you put him there...and then forget about it.

And by the way, the people at Nursery should be proficient enough to know these things, so why don't they??!!

Answer 5

Two year olds go through a stage simular to teen agers. they aren't babies any more but they aren't independant either. That he is acting out doesn't concern me as much as the fact that it is aggression. That could be from a video game or movie or tv show he watched maybe even an ad that slipped by you or your ex . Doctor Dobson or John Rosemond have some great books out there to give you some steps to take to gain some peace back in your house. Good luck to you but as a mother of four and grandmother of four, I have to warn you about the frenzied fives. All four of mine went through something then and I was totally unprepared because all the books were about the terrible two's. That is when mine started to lie to get out of trouble.

Answer 6

The terrible 2's are called terrible for a reason. But, your child might be acting out more due to the fact that he goes from hand to hand. It is alot for a child to be with so many people at different times. Especially due to divorce. My niece is 2 and when her parents were seperated, (they are now back together), she would get very violent when coming back from visits with her father. And still, when they fight, she becomes aggressive throwing things and hitting anyone and everyone in her way.

Answer 7

no that is not typical "terrible 2's" behavior at all

he is obviously trying to deal with your divorce and his parents not being together. THis is the only way he knows how to deal with it.

they make divorce child therapist counselors for this, the law here is that the child has to go to one before a divorce i do'nt know how it is where you live. look into getting him into seeing someone so he can work through this in a more nondestructive way.

Answer 8

It's just a phase.I think 3's are even worse.some parents will tell u if a child bites...bite back and they stop when they realize it hurts.when they hit don't hit back...it teaches them hitting is ok.just keep up what u are doing.don't give in during tantrums.i learned if u just ignore them..they will realize it's getting no response from you..and it will stop.

Answer 9

its normal for the terrible 2's to do those things. I believe in spanking so you wont get judged for me, i spank my 2 year old.

I wish i could help you more! but i am going through the same thing!

Answer 10

its compleatly normal! i belive in smaking but i am finding with my 2yr old that if i smack her she tinks its ok to hit cause mummy dose, try get down to his level and tell him its not nice. i also give my daughter time outs but found if i senter to her room she would just play with her toys so i now make her have her tim out in the toilet because its boring and it seems to be helping a bit! good luck

Answer 11

Try praising him all the time. It really works and he will love it and try harder to be good for you.