How do I tell my son my husband isnt his father and when?

Question

How do I tell my son my husband isnt his father and when?

Answer 1

Hi I have never be in that situation, but being a Mother myself I think he's a little to young to understand. I feel you should wait until he's a little older and just explain to him that he has two dads. He has a dad that help make him and he has a Father that really loves him. A dad is just someone who help create a child, but a Father is a real man who loves and takes care of a child.

Answer 2

that is a hard situation in which i've had to deal with personally. i was a rape victim. my daughter is now 14 years old. unfortunatley my untrusting family told her behind my back at the age of 12. she didn't quite understand. at 13 years old we went for a nice evening walk and i brought up the subject to clarify. my husband and i have been married for over 10 years and he adopted my daughter when we married. he is her father. any man can make a baby, but it takes a father to take care of one and treat it as he would his real kids. we have 3 kids total. shes our oldest. i explained what happend to me at 13 years old. it was hard because i didnt know what she would think of me or herself for that matter. and i told her she was not a mistake. god allowed what happend to me for a reason. i grew up in an abusive home and my step father was the perpertrator.



she was ok but did have questions, but the questions was about what rape was. she said she knows who her father is and that is my husband. it is not an easy job, but when the time is right you will know. there is never a set age or time, it has to do with the childs maturity level and only you as a parent will know when that is.

Answer 3

Consider getting professional advice about this, especially since children automatically think that they will grow up to be like their parents (particularly girls like their mothers and boys like their fathers), so exactly *what* you tell him may be critical... You might want to leave out the fact that he was abusive and a thief, because you don't want your son to think that that is what he is destined to become.



Also, I think that your phrasing is a bit worrisome - the only father he has ever known *is* his dad. He may not be the "sperm donor" who created him, but he is his father...

Answer 4

for other screwed up reasons i had to go through this. wait til hes mature enough to understand and accept the situation. i was like 10/11...and it was easy to cope with cause my dad who raised me was the only father i knew since i was 1 1/2 yrs old. he should cope well considering he hasnt been without.

Answer 5

ONCE HE GETS TO THE AGE OF UNDERSTANDING THEN YOU SHOULD SIT DOWN AND HAVE THAT TALK. YOU SHOULD START OUT BY TELING HIM THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOUR HUSBAND WILL AWAY BE THERE FOR HIM AND IT DOSENT CHANGE THE LOVE HE HAS FOR HIM. ITS GOING TO BE HARD AT FIRST BUT IT WILL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENT IN OUR GUYS LIFE AND MOST LIKELY HE WILL BE OK WITH IT AND THANK YOUR HUSBAND FOR BEING THERE FOR HIM AND AS WELL AS YOU. JUST WAIT FOR THE TIME TO COME AND BELIEVE ME IT WILL BE JUST FINE.

Answer 6

Definitely don't tell him when there is marital trouble. I was a pre-teen and my parents were well on their way to divorce when my mom told me that my dad was not my biological dad. After a full divorce my mom and non-biological dad remarried. Between the divorce and finding out he wasn't who I thought he was all those years it was difficult to emotionally reconnect with him. I did however reconnect.



I am 42 now and I often long to get answers about my biological father's side of the family. Mostly I am curious about inherited traits that I see in myself and the kids that are so different than what I see on mom's side of the family. Now in my 40's it would be helpful to know what disease traits I need to watch for. Is cancer or heart disease prevalent on that mystery side of my genetic code?



I am often curious about possible half-siblings. I am an only child as far as I know. I miss not having aunts, uncles, and cousins for my children and having neices and nephews to grow to love. It is tantalizing at times to think that I may have a very full family tree out there somewhere. Instead it is just my parents and the kids as far as my side of the family goes. I long to have more family connections.



Out of loyalty to my dad who raised me though, I keep these curiosities and desires to myself. My mom has cancer and should she be in danger of losing that battle, I have determined that I will ask her to give me what contact information she does know. I doubt that I will act on that contact information until both pass on, if even then. But if I do not get it, I will never have it should I need or want it later. At this point, I do not even know my biological father's name.