My son is going to school&since it started his teacher keep telling me he's no good?

Question

My son is almost 4years old,we're lebanese we dnt speak wz him english@home bt he do understand little fm tv&computer,he's so smart&once he gt 2knw something he start doing it by himself alone,i explained 2his teacher that we dnt hv a family here ,we r me,him&his dad all alone,he hs no one 2play wz&since he ws born he ws playg alone,told them he need discipline&to learn how to play wz other kids.school started 2days ago he's in pre-K &since then my son saw something new,he's so excited 2go,he love school bt ze thing he dnt sit still&he's seeing something new,the 1st day i askd her abt him she goes no good he didnt sit,didnt do his project&kept runing in the class.so told her u hv to be patient wz him cz told u he's all alone&this all is new for him&she goes he'll be fine,,when we went home we talkd to him&every hting ws fine i guess,ze 2nd day he did he's project bt she goes no,no good again..he ws throwing toys on ze floor&pushing kids.wt to do wz her isnt her job 2help him&teach him

Answer 1

As a parent and a teacher I can see both sides here. While your son needs instruction from you as to how to behave with other children and in class, it IS the teachers job to help him learn proper social skills for the classroom. In our local preschool a HUGE part of the curriculum is helping the children learn how to solve conflicts and communicate with each other. A big part of their philosphy is that playing is a crucial part of a child's development. Four-year-olds are notoriously curious and I can't imagine a preschool class that would require them to sit still for significant lengths of time. For children that age, playing IS learning.



The language barrier is an additional problem in your case. I don't see the need for you to stop speaking Lebanese to him, but maybe some work at home on English vocabulary specific to school would be helpful. Work on the names of things he uses in school, playground items, things to say to other children when he wants a turn with a toy, how to ask to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, etc.



Some of his misbehavior at project time might be because he doesn't understand what to do. Perhaps the teacher could let you know ahead of time what the projects will be so you can work with him on the necessary vocabulary beforehand. She could also let you know about the structure of the school day so that you could talk to him about it Lebanese. For example, maybe they start the day with a calendar activity and talk about the weather, then they have play time, then they read a story and do a craft related to the story, then they have a snack, etc. If he knows what to expect, it might be easier on him. I suspect that as his understanding increases, the behavior problems with improve. Would the teacher allow you to come to class one day and observe?



It does seem to me that the teacher lacks patience and perhaps has no experience dealing with a second language learner. Two days is ridiculously quick to label a children as a behavior problem, especially considering your son's special circumstances. You didn't say how many students were in the class or if there is a teacher's aide, but if it's a huge class he might benefit from switching to a program with a lower staff-to-student ratio, at least until his English is more fluent.



The people who suggested that you take him to other activities where he would have a chance to interact with other children have a good idea. Look for storytimes at your local library or programs at the YMCA. If he makes friends with other children in school, invite them for a playdate and help him communicate with them appropriately.



Good luck. It's good that you're taking action immediately to try to help your son get along in school better.

Answer 2

First, if the teacher can't be patient with him. Ask the administrator to move him to another class. Second, he has to get used to not being the only child. My son just started school about 1 month ago. The first week he was just like your son. He didn't want to share, he didn't listen to the teachers, he was fighting with the other kids, he did not want to do his class work. He was terrible. I asked the teacher if I should leave him at home and she said that he would get better adjusted if he stays in school and learns to share and play with the other children. Week 2 went by and it was the same thing, thee fighting and not sharing or paying attention. I was getting really frustrated. Then at the end of week 3, I got a note from the teacher saying how much better he was doing. He has got into the routine just like the other students in his classroom. He sits stil and listens to the teacher and he takes turns now. Just let your child know that school is going to be fun. It will take him awhile to learn the classroom routine, but once he learns he will do very well. I hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 3

It is a parents job to teach a child how to behave. If you didn't teach your son basic manners, don't expect someone else to. It is not the teachers job to show your son how to be a good person. There has to be consequences to his behavior. I mean, throwing things and pushing other children in his class is just unacceptable. And if you don't break him of the habit soon, how do you think he's going to be when he gets older? You are setting up a cycle of behavior that will only get worse unless you stop it now. YOU are this boys parent, so YOU need to start acting like it. If he misbehaves, he has to get into trouble from YOU so that he knows that his behavior is NOT accepted by his parents. I know you only have love for your son and want to think he's an angel and just doesn't know how to act around other kids. Well that may be true, but you have to start by showing him what is allowed when with other kids... and what is not allowed. Change your son's behavior, not the teacher's.

Answer 4

He is old enough to know better and you should design a punishment for him whenhe misbehaves. Make sur ehe knows why he is being punished.

If his teacher says he is no good , than she is in the woirng as all children are good, just mishaving is things kids do. I am sur ehe is not the only one who mis beheaves.

I would take english lessons so you can teach your son to handle school and his new life.You cannot live here with out learning english. it's that simple. everything is in english and it is going to stay that way, so to be a good parent n america learn the language

Answer 5

I think that your son's teacher needs to practice a little more patience, like you have told her...he has always been alone and had all his toys to himself. You may want to consider putting your child in a play group, or taking him to the part so he can interact with more children then just at school. You need to explain to him about sharing and getting along with other children. My daughter is 14 months, and just recently she started interacting with other kids...and the sharing thing isn't going to well at the moment, and when she is frustrated she throws toys as well.



Good Luck, and there are alot of kids out there who are doing the same thing as your child. I am sure he will grow out of it

Answer 6

The teacher sounds to me like she has no Patience with your child. Maybe you should have waited a little longer to enroll him into school at his age! Try working on your English and maybe he will learn it too. Kids are like sponges and they learn quick. If he sees that he needs to behave in class and listen he may understand more. Teach him to listen at home and by having him do small things for you. Like getting his favorite toy and have him sit quietly playing with it or help you put laundry away or maybe even help you with putting the groceries away. Little things like that would help him develope his listening skills. To help with his social skills take him to the park and teach him to play with the other kids and to make Friends. He needs to learn how to play with out hitting or being mean! Also show him how to Share! That is also important for him to learn. If you can master these he will be fine! You need to lead by example. I don't know how long you have been in the U.S.A but you will need to also learn English. Practice by talking to someone who speaks English and have them help you understand how to speak our language! Good Luck and I wish you and your Son well!!

Answer 7

I believe he is too young to be labled as bad. As you state, he is experienceing something new. The instructors must realize this and have the knowledge and patience to solve the problem. It is their job to help your son acclimate to the new environment and ensure that he is playing well with others is the responsibility of you and the school. I would suggest taking him to a mommy and me style class, so that you can monitor his behavior and help him learn what is expected. Let the teachers know that you are proactive in helping them, and your wishes to have them help you and your son.



Hang in there, it will be okay.

Answer 8

Maybe your son needs to have stricter rules and consequences for breaking such rules. It may also be good to maybe get him into some kind of program after school where he can interact with other kids and learn to be around and deal with them. The more he is around other children he will pick up things and learn from them, as long as you as parents re-enforce these behaviors and keep him straight.

Answer 9

First of all it is your job to teach your child to sit still and share toys and obey the rules.

YOu could have him practice at home all of the things you want him to learn. If you are not requiring him to have good social skills at home then he will not have them when he is out.

Parents are their child's FIRST teacher.

If you have any friends with small children have them come over regularly and teach you child how to behave.

Answer 10

It sounds as if your child has never had discipline or socialization. Those are things that the PARENTS should do, not the school.



When you spoil, pamper, and baby your child you are not helping them at all. You are making it very hard for them when they get out in the real world and find out that everyone does not have to do what they want them to do.



Sorry mom, you are wrong.

Answer 11

ok, I totally respect your culture and heritage, but, if this kid is going to an american school, first of all, your going to start speaking english at home, it is gonna be hard for him to go to school where he's being taught in a second language, he maybe confused and he may not even undersntand the teacher when she tells him to pay attetion, stop running or calm down. True that the teacher need to have extra patience with your kid, but all the works needs to be done by you guys, maybe to tell him in your own language that he needs to be good and behave in school, and try to find a transition method to make things easier for him. good luck

Answer 12

sounds like you need to find a teacher who has more patience... your child will certainly need some adjustment time if all this is new to him... perhaps you could help him by attending a day or two with him, and supporting him there. you can also try 'acting' at home with him about what kinds of behaviors are acceptable at school.

Answer 13

hm am a lebanese guy myself:) living in lebanon though most of my education i recieved abroad between france and usa.. i agree with most of the answers allready written its not the school's job to teach ur kid to have manners and such things though i understand wht hes going through given to hes current situation so i suggest u talk to the school's principle and explain ur problem maybe he could transfer ur kid to a "special need" kids classroom just until he learn to fit in and go along with his daily routine as everyone else:)



wish the best of luck lebo mumy :) wish i could help more.

Answer 14

Teachers are there to teach and guide children. But its your job as a parent to raise them. Teachers simply inforce the standards and training you have already put into that child, its not theyre job to some how teach your child how to behave.



Your assuming that some how your child is deserving of special treatment because he cannot adapt to new situations as well as other children in his situation. That simply isnt true at all. kids at this age are incredibly rapid learners, an they adapt so incredibly well to new situations that it leaves adults in the dust.



You and even your husband if he is willing, need to make an effort to provide this child with the best you can. Part of that is providing him with a firm root in his lebanese culture and history, and the other part is setting him up with skills for his new home land. If you live in a place that speaks primarily Lebanese then you expect the majoirty of people to speak that language, it is the same in america.



How can he learn to play and interact with other children and build and learn the complex social skills he needs to survive in society if he isnt used to speaking the native language of his peers? Its impossible, some things will always be lacking, and because of that his growth will be stunted in areas.



You and his dad need to get into some english classes, and make an effort to speak it at home during certain parts of the day. Enough so all of you can function in this new society. That is how you learn to adapt to new situations. Communication is the biggest factor you have working against you.



How can he interact with children, or sit still in class when the words and written letters are completely unfamiliar to him? He's bored, and looking for something he reconizes to fill in that communication gap. Its not fair to him. You're the parent and you NEED to provide him with the tools he needs to succeed.



Next, you need to, for the sake of your child, provide him with more support than just you and his father. I understand that you are all new here, but that is not an excuse to be separate from those around you. Find a group of like minded people, and set up some play dates with your child and theirs. He needs to learn basic social skills such as sharing, talking, playing nice, and having compassion for others.



You dont want to be the parent of a bully. You are responsible for teaching him social skills. Patience, selflessness, compassion, communication, and focus. He learns these things from you at home, and they are reinforced at school by his teacher. She cannot reinforce skills that are not there. You and her are a team for the sake of your child. You put in him what skills he needs, and she can see if he's got them and is using them in public.



Aparently she is not, so she's informing you of where he needs help, and its your job to step it up at home and get those skills into him.



Again, the communication issue is very real, not just for him, but for you. How can you communicate with his teachers, doctors, friends parents, schools, if your own english is sparse? You are the ones who are having a harder time adapting, not him.



You all will be just fine. Just keep up the work and be sure to push yourselves out into your new culture and society. This is all part of living, and you'll all be just fine :) Just keep up your hard work!

Answer 15

in american schools they do not discipline children like they may in Lebanon. Their job is to tell the parents that they need to discipline.......I'm sure his teacher is doing what she can but maybe your son needs more discipline ( I dont mean abuse) Maybe you could try to socialize him with more children....get him in some play groups. Maybe that will help good luck.

Answer 16

Your job is to teach him manners, discipline..

DO YOUR JOB.. MOM